Beautiful Fear
by Penny Wishes
Summary: One of these days, you're going to look at the moon and realize how wonderfully beautiful it is, and then how attractive you are and I'm going to be the first to say- 'I told you so'."


**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
**Rating**: G  
  
**Summary**: Remus tries to tell Lily he's a werewolf etc. etc. a teensy bit angsty.  
  
**A/N**: I am in love with Remus and was thinking about him and this just popped into my head out of nowhere, sorry about any grammar or punctuation errors, and just enjoy!

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**Beautiful Fear**

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Round as it was bright, an imprint in the sky screaming my insufficiencies.  
  
"Beautiful," She had said it was. One word, and I had frowned. I had looked away grinding my teeth together and pretending it didn't matter. "A solitary globe, a symbol of strength, a light in the darkness inspiring the lesser lights around it to shine, the Goddess of the night..." She was whispering but it felt like she was screaming and all the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I felt her turn to look at me and I forced a look of ease to take over my face.  
  
"Sorry, I was mumbling."  
  
"It's ok," I wanted to tell her how I liked her mumbling but my throat was dry and the words wouldn't come out.  
  
"We're probably going to get burned for being out this late," she sighed, crossing her long slender arms in front of her.  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"But it's so beautiful, I don't care." She shivered as she said it and I wanted to pull her into me, to envelope her in the heat she created in me, but I couldn't, something about her just terrified me.  
  
It was quiet, so quiet, and I wanted to say something to break it, but I was paralyzed hot with her next to me and the eerie rays of night like a spotlight shining on my imperfections.  
  
"What's wrong?" She finally asked and I flinched.  
  
"Nothing." She turned stepping in front of me, shielding herself form the blowing wind and looking up at my face. "I'm_ fine_," I choked out avoiding her eyes.  
  
"They'll be back in a few seconds," She said shivering again but turning to look back out to the forbidden forest where James, Sirius and Peter had left my homework as a joke. "_Relax_, look up at the stars, the _moon_." I coughed scratching the back of my head and looking off towards the forest, her eyes slid back to me and I tried to smile.  
  
"You're afraid of the dark." She said it matter-of-factly and when I didn't answer, took one of my big hands in her small ones and seemed to study it as if it held all my secrets.  
  
"No, I'm not." I said trying to be nonchalant, joking almost.  
  
"You're always tense outside, at night." She flipped my hand over and put her hand in my palm as if to measure them.  
  
"Maybe I'm tense because I don't want to get into _trouble_," I pointed out.  
  
"I don't like breaking rules either, you know that, but it's something different, something in your eyes." I looked down at her furrowing my eyebrows together in puzzlement.  
  
"My _eyes_?" She looked down for a second tilting her head to one side and playing with the ends of her fiery hair nervously.  
  
"They get so dark, like there to dark for the moonlight to reflect off of them."  
  
"As opposed to-?"  
  
"As opposed to them being bright like normal."  
  
"Gray eyes aren't bright," I said running a hand through my hair.  
  
"Yours are... When your not _scared_."  
  
"I'm not afraid of the dark." I said sharply and she smiled and leaned against me softly.  
  
"_Liar_."  
  
"I'm not lying... I do think the, the moon, is a little... _Eerie_." She looked up at me and I was glad it was too dark for her to see the red burning on my face.  
  
"You're afraid of the _moon_?" I almost told her then, I opened my mouth to, to say it: "I'm not who you think I am- not _what_ you think I am." But the words didn't come.  
  
"Not afraid," I finally spit out, "I just don't get how you find it... _Beautiful_."  
  
"You don't find it comforting that everyone in the world looks up at the same moon? Looking to her as the candle to their night?"  
  
"_Her_?"  
  
"I always thought of it as a girl, a mother of sorts, looking over the stars as her people, her children, inspiring them to burn their lights, soldiers of the night."  
  
"And I always think of it as the criminal banished from the day." I replied a bit too harshly.  
  
"Criminal's don't shine. Anger's dark, evil is dark, fear is dark, like your eyes when your unhappy, but when you're happy they're bright like the stars and the moon, they're beautiful."  
  
"No." the word fell out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I looked away stepping back so our bodies no longer touched.  
  
"They are, they're the perfect compliment for the rest of you." Her confidence made me shiver.  
  
"From your artists perspective," I replied, "You're the only one who will ever say that." She stepped back towards me and put her hands up on my shoulders, as if preparing to dance.  
  
"One of these days, you're going to look at the moon and realize how wonderfully beautiful it is, and then how attractive you are and I'm going to be the first to say- 'I told you so'."  
  
"I doubt if that will ever happen," I said seriously, though I was smiling. I swallowed staring into her eyes, and it was time, I told myself, "Lily, there's something I should tell you and now seems the time... um th-"  
  
"Got it!" Sirius yelled from a few feet away and I jumped away from Lily.  
  
"Hope we didn't _interrupt_ anything," James smiling, though his voice was a bit stiff.  
  
"Nothing." I said quickly.  
  
"We were just talking about the moon," Lily explained looking at me. James and Sirius exchanged questioning looks and Peter coughed pointedly staring at me. I gave my head a quick shake as if to say "no" No I hadn't told her, She turned looping an arm around James neck and they started walking back to the castle.  
  
And no, I probably never would tell her, never would give her the chance of seeing me as the monster that lingered inside of my skin.  
  
"Come on Remus," Lily called ducking under the arm that James had looped around Lily's neck in return, she jogged back to where I still stood, staring at the moon.  
  
"It's late, and we don't want to make it too easy for them to give us detention, do you?" She joked smiling.  
  
"Guess not." I said forcing a smile back. She took my hand again leaning into me and stood on her tiptoes, tipping her head towards my ear.  
  
"Is she beautiful yet?" she asked her own eyes staring up at the moon. I looked down at her, her green eyes reflecting the orb of light that I despised so much and she was right, it was beautiful, it was, glowing there, reflected in her forest eyes.  
  
"It is." I whispered.  
  
"I told you so." She grinned and started running towards the castle pulling me along behind, her red hair streaming out behind her and looking ethereal in the dark. My heart pounded, she terrified me... Lily Evans and the Moon, the pair of them, my biggest fears.  
  
I never found fear so beautiful.

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Enjoy! And if you feel so obliged please, PLEASE, review!!!


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